numb

I should have asked God why He created men that way. He created them with magic power on their lips and words. He made me totally under his spell that I did what he asked me to do. I was his puppet.

It was a nice afternoon. The sun shone brightly. The golden rays were all over the train station. People were busy to take care and load their language to the fancy train; I cost myself for this trip that he asked me to come. I did it without any questions and argument. The people were in hurry. While me, standing almost like bagging, staring this man waiting for his words. I stared at him. I wanted him to say something about this relationship. He kept talking and talking, while his smoke went all over me. The smoke just like magic fog. I was under his spell. I lose my sanity and rational thinking. He talked about things that I didn't even care about. You know, many girls I have dumped. I slept with some of them. And the last girl, she's so damn beautiful and rich. I wanted her. I asked her to marry me, but she said no. I asked her to sleep with me but, she refused it. Well, then I left her. I can get all over them all, and bla bla, many words and crazy sentences he threw me that goldish afternoon. He offended me and I didn’t say or do anything. I didn't fully follow what he was saying. All I know that I want him to love me. I was totally under his spell. I was such a fool. He fooled me around, and all I could do was to convince myself he was the one.

The bell rang to warn the passengers to get ready. But I stood still. The smoke from his cigarette tied me legs. I did not want to leave with no answers of my questions. I was waiting. But none of the words answer my doubt. I needed him to know what inside my mind was. I wanted him to say should I leave him or wait for him and be loyal to him. I screamed, but just in my heart and mind. I am your love; please stop talking about other women right before me! I could not stand for what he grumbled.

The bell made me got in the train. He took me there. I hold his hands, begging for the last time. But, he just did not get it. I had to let him go…

As the train moved slowly, slowly, I could hear his sentences again.

You were faking it up, he said. You were pretending. He murmured again. What? What do you mean? I whispered finally. It’s all that I got. It‘s you who pretending. It’s you who faking things up. I said in my mind. I knew he knew. All the words twisting in my mind. The smoke covered me and my mouth just could not say a word. He knew exactly he was the liar. LIAR! I screamed, again in my mind.

I was numb, by then.